For most people with children there's a familiar pattern. Cope with sleepless nights, the terrible twos, first day at school, see their "nice" child turn into an awkward, argumentative adolescent, wave them a cheery goodbye when they leave home, reclaim the family home, and rejoice when grandchildren are produced.
Four thousand grandparents across New Zealand have said goodbye to a peaceful, ordered existence because a family situation has resulted in these grandparents stepping into the role of parents.
Parenthood is hard enough work when you're of childbearing age. If you are caring for children and also elderly it can be very difficult indeed.
Merv and Wendy Archer with great-granddaughter Lily
Masterton great-grandparents Merv and Wendy Archer have been raising their great-granddaughter, Lily, aged four, since obtaining custody when she was three months old. The child's mother - their granddaughter - did not contest custody and has not made contact for two years.
Merv, 75, is suffering from cancer but is determined to provide his great-granddaughter with a normal childhood. The couple, who live in rental accommodation, struggle to make ends meet and are frustrated that foster parents are entitled to funding for clothing, medical and education costs, but not grandparents.
Merv is the Wairarapa branch vice chairman of Grandparents Raising
Grandchildren and Wendy is co-ordinator for the regional organisation,
which was founded four years ago.
Lives similar to their own are being led by at least 32 other
"retread" parents and fellow GRG members now raising more than 40
grandchildren or great-children in Wairarapa, he said.
Things are "hard all over" when you're raising children on a
pension, he said, and ill health is stalking your otherwise golden
years.
A report commissioned by the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust, by social work consultant Jill Worrall, highlights some of the difficulties.
More than half the children were
reported as having serious physical and psychological problems as a
result of the abuse and neglect they had before coming into their
grandparents' care. However, eighty-six percent reported significant
improvements over time. “The research shows this is directly
attributed to the stability of care and the resilience and commitment
of the grandparents."
While grandparents described the joy of seeing the children recover and thrive they also described the struggles they experience.
Deterioration in their own health as
they advance in years, expensive legal wrangles to maintain custody and
a need for family were expressed along with a need for better and
affordable housing, assistance with education costs and clothing in
many cases,” says Worrall.
Raising children is expensive and many grandparents raising children face considerable financial hardship.
Total family income is less than
$20,000 p.a. for 22% of respondents and less than $30,000 for 25% of
respondents. Solo carers, who represented 38.6% of participants, were
particularly financially compromised. Several described a struggle to
feed themselves and their children adequately. One carer stated a wish
“not to go to bed hungry,[for] clothes that fit, money to survive and
not to have to worry about work and income and the situation of my
daughter.”
In April this year the Unsupported
Child Benefit was raised to the same base weekly payment available to
unrelated foster carers. While this will assist,
grandparents raising
grandchildren are not currently eligible for the ancillary payments for
clothing, health/medical and education costs that are available to
foster carers. Consequently many grandparents still face extreme hardship
meeting the costs associated with caring for children who need ongoing
specialist medical, therapeutic or educational help as a result of the
abuse and trauma they suffered before their grandparents stepped in to
care for them.
On top of this grandparents also suffer social isolation. While their contemporaries are enjoying retirement these grandparents always have children with them. This limits the range of social activities they can participate in.
The Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust is holding their inaugural conference during Grandparents Week, on 28 and 29 October 2009.
Read the full story of Merv and Wendy Archer in the Wairarapa Times-Age
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren website2009 Research Report (Jill Worrall)